Sunday, April 06, 2008
Food, Wine, Beer & Spirits

Last call for the fluid four

The return of Bracketmixology

By Jason Tesauro and Phineas Mollod

    What happens when March Madness once again goes on a bender? The return of Bracketmixology. The field of 65 has been pared down to the anointed Final Four teams, with all four number one teams headed to San Antoine. Novices and office staff forced to fork over $10 for an NCAA pool, who invariably (and usually foolishly) write in the top seeds, finally have their day over the so-called experts who thought they could presage all the upsets (those that had Xavier, Western Kentucky and everyone’s beloved Davidson going far … bravo). We’re now here to predict the delicious finale to the tournament. Vegas handicappers have nothing on us. What’s our method? RPI, conference schedule, notable road wins, coaching? Nope, it’s all about the cocktails. Downing a couple of cold beers at the ESPN Zone or STATS is a fine option for sports fans, but discerning sippers will be playing along to the Fluid Four as this year’s finalists duke it out for elbow-bending bragging rights.

GAME 1: North Carolina Tarheel Tea vs. Kansas (Bill) Self-Starter Cocktail

     The best rebounding team in the ACC versus the athletic and balanced Big-12 champs. A smooth and tangy, whiskey-driven concoction against the all-around, four-fold attack of various ingredients. Hmm, Tyler Hansbrough is a national Player of the Year candidate and averaged a double-double during the regular season, but can this Maker’s Mark singular sensation outsmart Coach Bill Self’s “twin-towers” approach with Sasha Kaun playing gin to Cole Aldrich’s lillet? If the high-scoring UNC runs up the points and Hawks shoots their customary sub-70-percent from the stripe, look for Tarheel Teas on menus in the Research Triangle for evermore. With Kansas needing all the help they can get, that secret dash of Pernod may not be optional.

    Our winner: The Tarheel Tea, by a minty mile

GAME 2: Memphis Tennessee Cocktail vs. UCLA Los Angeles Cocktail

    Echoing the legend of famed UCLA coach John Wooden, the Los Angeles Cocktail, with its rye base, presents tradition at its finest in a third straight Final Four. The Bruins are not very deep, especially in the backcourt, but freshman center Kevin Love is the good egg who ties it all together. Memphis is a poor foul-shooting team with erratic 3-point shooting, but they’ve got a maraschino cherry of a player in freshman point guard Derrick Rose, plus terrific defense and rebounding, and a lightning fast tempo. Each team has breezed through the tourney with double-digit wins, with both enduring close contests in the second round. Who will wither in this rye-on-rye nail-biter, and who will save enough lemon for a final squirt to the post-game, net-cutting ceremony?

    Our winner: Los Angeles Cocktail

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME: ACC vs. Pac 10, Tarheel Tea vs. Los Angeles Cocktail

In the Final, it’s simple, julep-like Southern refreshment versus complex West Coast pizzazz. The Tarheel Tea’s mint and citrus will invigorate the team during second-half time outs, but can Carolina break the Bruins’ yolk and scramble a talented UCLA squad? Expect Kevin Love, like a dash of Drambuie, to take it to the next level and push his team to a record twelfth National Championship.

Final Fluid National Champions: Los Angeles Cocktail SP
Phineas and Jason are the authors of “The Modern Gentleman” and “The Modern Lover.” E-mail them at booze@sundaypaper.com.

Tarheel Tea
(served at the historic Carolina Inn, Chapel Hill, N.C.)

• 3 parts Maker’s Mark
• 1 part mint-infused simple syrup.
• Squeeze of lemon juice

Mix and strain in a cocktail glass. Garnish with a sprig of mint and lemon zest.

(Bill) Self Starter

• 1 1/2 ounce gin
• 3/4 ounce lillet blanc
• 1/4 ounce apricot brandy
• 2 dashes Pernod (optional)

Shake and strain into a cocktail glass. 

Tennessee Cocktail

• 2 ounce Tennessee whiskey or rye whiskey 
• 1/2 ounce lemon juice 
• 1/2 ounce maraschino liqueur 

Shake and strain in a cocktail glass, and garnish with a cherry

Los Angeles Cocktail
2 ounce rye whiskey

• ¼ - ½ ounce sweet vermouth, to taste
• 1 dash Drambuie
• Squeeze of lemon juice
• Splash of simple syrup
• 1 egg

Shake vigorously, and strain into a chilled rocks glass.