Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sports, "Hunt's Grunts"

(Fashionably) rockin’ steady

 

It’s the scariest week of the year, and not just for the Georgia Bulldogs, as they head southward to receive their annual whipping from the Gators. No, Halloween is upon us, and this holiday weekend we’ll be seeing many costumed Octomoms, Balloon Boys and, of course, lots and lots of scantily clad females unleashing their innermost dirty pirate, hooker, nurse, traffic cop, Danica Patrick and so on. Sadly, there’s now even a slutty kitty costume for kids.

For those looking for a frightful costume, try dressing up as Brooke Hundley, the 22-year-old production assistant with whom ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips admitted to having an affair . Talk about scary! Or you could go as a certain Atlanta Falcons defensive end. The best part is, you don’t even need a costume. Just don’t show up at all. When everyone asks where you were, you can then explain that you were dressed as Jamaal Anderson, who doesn’t show up for big events.

At KennyPowersJerseys.com, one can procure items to dress just like the protagonist of “Eastbound & Down," who once told his friend Tracy before a cookout, “I know one of us has had their own personal stylists, and one of us shoplifts their s**t from Fashion Bug.” According to the site, the complete John Rocker—er, Kenny Powers costume includes his “No. 55 jersey, curly mullet wig, Atlanta baseball cap and douchebag sunglasses.”

Those items will set one back 150 bucks, which is a lot cheaper than the $10,000 fine levied against Philadelphia Eagles cornerback Sheldon Brown, who, in an odd visual statement of his displeasure concerning his contract situation, emerged from the tunnel during pre-game introductions last month wearing a retro-style hockey goalie mask. Can’t see what the big deal is there; it’s not like he was rocking the tiger-striped athletic-wear fashion disaster of the early ’90s known as Zubaz. Now that was Zu-bad, indeed. Almost like those retro vertical socks the Denver Broncos have been sporting in some games this year. Shouldn’t fans be allowed to fine the NFL for making us look at those?

Halloween is about dressing for fun one day a year, but what about the other 364? It’s well known that clothes don’t make the man, and a rotating series of logo-bearing golf shirts tucked into alternating pairs of navy and khaki Dockers sure doesn’t make the man a fashion statement, either. Maybe said man desires not to stand out. Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes” long ago taught of the dangers of a clothing-obsessed line of thinking (not to mention Imelda Marcos and her reported 3,000 pairs of shoes). But in the name of Frenchy Fuqua, or at the very least Lady Gaga, let’s have some fun with our everyday attire.

Certainly Walt Frazier has, since his days growing up in segregated Atlanta in the ’50s and ’60s, when he was a three-sport star at David Howard High School. Frazier went on to become one of the NBA’s greatest players and was a star on the championship New York Knicks teams of the early ’70s. It was during this time in New York that Frazier, whose wide-brimmed hats earned him the nickname “Clyde” (after Clyde Barrow of “Bonnie and” fame) authored the fabulous book, “Rockin’ Steady: A Guide to Basketball and Cool.” The half-autobiography, half-life manual teaches the reader how to get the job done on the court and how to master the art of being cool off it.

Chapters include: Cool (pg. 11); Defense (pg. 27); Offense (pg.68); A general guide to looking good, and other matters (pg. 133); and Catching a fly when he’s in midair (pg. 149). Frazier, who was inducted into the Atlanta Sports Hall of Fame last June, was a Hawks television analyst in the ’80s. After one game, I presented him my copy and he graciously signed it by writing, “To Hunt, I happy you’ve enjoyed this book,” accidentally leaving out the word “am.” I laugh when I see it now, and remember that in Frazier’s book, the ability to laugh at oneself is essential.

Writes Frazier of a moment as a sophomore at Howard High, “I was just on the launching-pad stage of being cool, so I was kind of excited. I had a lot to learn. Our team warmed up in sweatsuits. When I was ready to go into the game I began to slip off my sweatpants. I realized that all I had on underneath was a jockstrap. I had forgotten to put my shorts on! I had to rush to the locker room. People sitting in the first couple of rows from our bench were still laughing when I got back. So I learned this early: A big rule for cool is to get it all together.’’

Frazier’s book is, in essence, about going through life with a little more flow in one’s step and a smile on one’s face. And that’s something we don’t need a costumed holiday for. We can do it 365 days a year, if we put our minds to it.

Happy times … and I happy you wrote this book, Clyde. SP